I don't want to be fat anymore.

It's so hard to say. I do love myself and do believe I am beautiful although I don't look ideal to most people. But I have decided to not be fat anymore. I feel different about it this time. Instead of thinking about my disclosures for when I don't succeed and say "I'm not trying to lose a certain amount, just be healthy." Well fuck that! I want a goal and I want to know what all this pain is for and focus in on the things I want. I want to be fit. I have never stuck to any diet or lost more than a few pounds. I know I can do it, so why not really try. I recently started doing a little yoga and it was incredible. I loved it from the first time I did it. I had never really worked out so it was something new and totally relaxing. Soon after I stopped doing my yoga I decided to give water and eating slower a good try. I started by having a glass of water before my meal and eating the meal slowly... 20 chews per bite to be exact. I was very pleased at the difference it made on my appetite. Thrilled at how I could have better control of my appetite, I went for my all time goal... DRINK MORE WATER! NEVER have I been a water drinker. Always a dark sugar-rich soda knid of gal. So there I was drinking 64 oz of water at least. I was really proud seeing as how it's always on my on New Years resolution to drink more water (and clean more often and efficiently...uh hm that'll be another day). I remember how wonderful it was when I actually drank soda and finally saw what others did when they said it's too sweet. My birthday, one week ago, Chris giot me the Wii fit. Here we are, no excuses, a wonderful investment and way to accomplish this goal. I am excited to do it. I am 22 years old. I am 5'2. I weigh 230 punds...but not for long.

Counting Those Blessings

This is the face she makes when I approve her request to watch The Holiday (I vetoed her stating in the den watching Life With Derek). Such a cutie. She's currently playing this game where she squeezes me so tight and says "I just loooo-ooove you!" and she keeps giving me long kisses on the cheek and saying "HAMBURGER SQUEEZE." Hamburger squueze is something Bella, Chris, and I do where she's the hamburger asnd we're the buns and on the count of three we squeeze tight and say "hamburger squeeze!" Talk about the best game EVER! I'm not sure what she likes about The Holiday but she loves that movie and asks to watch it quite often. Just a second ago she's like "Why are you getting far from me (trying pull me closer). Best night ever!

Of Great Things to Come

Each day I am filled with more pride than ever humanly allowed. This is a picture Bella colored. My sister drew the heart and my 2 year old colored it. I canot believe how talented she is. She picks up on everything and delivers with such sass and personality it's truly her own style. Aghhh I am so lucky.