i just have to say

you've been really attached to stuffed animals and dolls lately. right now you're cuddling the brown teddy bear that Nana gave you for Valentine's day. it's got to be the best thing to ever lay eyes on. sleep tight gracie lou who

I Probably Won't Mean This Tomorrow

I am so angry with you right now. I hate sleeping angry. It's the worst feeling. Like unresolved issues making me scream to myself all the things want to scream at you. I try to be the bigger person, so I walk away. Storm off. Slam doors. Curse more than usual. How can I say anything to you right now. Your head is in our fucking toilet. Our fucking toilet. Is this how you like to see yourself? Could you think that I could have anything other than disgust when looking at you in this position, in your self-made situation? So much of your time is wasted and how you could apply it! But you don't. And I don't make you. The things for me we could do. The things I ask of you. Hopefully the things you would want to do for yourself. I am angry with you right now. So upset. And for all I know this could blow over tomorrow and I could reread this and not fathom how I could say such things. But not right now. At this moment I am disgusted, tired, and going to bed angry.

Something Old and Something New

So here is my lovely new camera. Nothing too crazy. 35mm Nikon N60. Got it from ebay for 50 and have loved taking pictures with it... even if I'm not sure if they look good. Which means photography class and altogether, school. Finding money for books. Rearranging my schedule. Missing my baby. Having less time. I'm excited to go back to school though. Whoa! Got lots to worry about in the next couple of weeks.

I needed to mention some of Bella's awesome things she's been saying:
Lady Goggles (instead of GaGa)
I tell her she's the coolest thing since sliced bread..."license bread?" ... "no honey, sliiiced bread".... "sliced bread?"...."yes"...."still sounds like license to me"
Today she cleaned the room and made the bed for Beccalynn and absolutely had to show her. She tells me "they're gonna be so happy when they see the room".
She asked what the words hot and cold meant from her favorite Katy Perry song. I explained to her they were oppsoites and she pauses and with happiness says "thank you mommy". There is soo much to enjoy from her company.