The Change Ahead

So many times do I say how a change is needed and time management and balance. But I decided to be positive and set short term goals instead talking about all the mistakes I made. I was quite sad the other day when I had woken up at the time I was supposed to be clocking in for work. I hate that I need 8 hours of sleep after going to sleep at 2 a.m. I had done so well the last week with not being late to work that I was disappointed in my tardiness. But rather than beat myself up, remind myself each day that I know I can fall into the routine that I want and doing one thing right today will make such a big effect. So being game night tonight, things always run late. So here I am getting to bed and telling myself that although I love these little late night blogs, I hope the proceeding will be earlier. Hopefully no more late nights. To bed I am off and looking forward to tomorrow's day of a small stroke to a big picture. good night.

I am a happy person.

I'm not sure exactly what it is that makes each person happy, but i know for sure what i have works for me. Here I am, no pounds lighter, no earlier time in bad, and still BARELY making it check to check. But although these are things I wish to change, I am so incredibly grateful for the wonderful things that have remained constant in my life. I still have the unyielding support and enthusiasm from those closest to me. They remind me of the beauty that still exists today althoug it's hard to find. Today while going over money issues with Chris he reassured me that everything is gonna be okay. In those moments when I fail to see the positive, those who care are there to push me through and remind me of the greatness ahead. On a different note, today I was so out of it and left to work without my wallet. There I was at ampm desperately needing gas and having no money for it. I caled my dad and asked him to come 30 min away to help me. No hesitation and not too much apparent disappointment, a short while later there he and my mom were. I am so lucky to be able to, although I shouldn't, make mistakes and have such a strong support system to bail me out when I need. Thank you all.

We'll See What Happens

This is the Crestmore Manor in Riverside. So happy I stumbled upon it on a website. I really wanna get married. Every bride has an idea of what they want their magic day to look like. I know how I want it to look based off how I want it to feel. This place feels just like I imagined. I mean to a tee. I can't explain the disappointment of not havig the 500 dollars to hold the only date. Man this is so hard. And to be honest I don't think we'll have the money again for a while. Not at least a month from when I looked at it. I can't wait to start planning. Without a reception site, I can't really do any tangible planning. Hmm we'll see what happens. *Fingers crossed*

The Expected Randomness

the prodigal son

Wow Ryan I can't believe how litle we see eachother now compared to how I knew every second of your day. I'm glad to see that you have some consistency in your life now. You spent the night last night, and in true me and fashion, this morning hadn't skipped a beat. There I was waking up at 7 a.m. to you awake on the recliner about to go sleep. You said you would smoke a cigarette with me; of course asked you to wait while I make coffee. There we were, me waking up and you about to sleep. I miss you. Good to see you.

Comfortable with me

I don't know when it started, but I'm glad it did. Somewhere I found the ability to love myself. Not that I always had self-esteem issues but I feel confident and satisfied with myself and my decisions in life. I look around and feel blessed. To have love, laughter, and companionship makes all the bad things in life seem to dwindle. When I look in myself in the mirror, I am happy. May everyone everyone I know be able to find the same joy within themselves.

DISNEYLAND

bella and i waiting in line for autopia