I love being a mom...

I love being a mom. It's by far the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. It all feels right. I couldn't imagine sleeping in and doing thingsjust for me. How unfulfilling would that be for me... Not after I've seen the awesomeness of my child wanting me (never daddy) to get her cereal in the morning (though on some occasions I would just like to roll over and sleep...which I allow myself). I don't have the right answers and for the most part I should do things a lot more better. But I believe there are different types of mom's. I find that most of the time I am on the affectionate side of the spectrum. There are those who govern by schedules and not spoiling. With the exception of discline, I am all about the love. Telling her a bagillion times a day how much I love my daughter. I don't like when she cries and for the most part have a lot of patience. We're very playful wih eachother. I don't mind if she's clingy to me most of the time. It was a little difficult earlier when she was sprawled all over my lap when I was trying to fold laundry. I don't know what's best. We have a pretty okay schedule. She eats pretty good in all parts of the pyramid. She's smart, and when not in a sassy mood, very polite. We love eacother very much and enjoy being with eachother. Here she is, lying next to me asleep in my (our) bed half past ten. We'll work on getting her into bed earlier tomorrow. For tonight I just wanna cuddle.

Up a little too late

I was looking a the elsie blog and saw this thing about polaroiding your digital pics. I loooved it. I love pictures the way polaroids look. But, as with most things, I see it then get so addicted to it and from there organize my pictures and poladroid the shit out of some, edit a few, learn about vignetting, upload to flickr, change my myspace default pic... a huge time consuming, fun, and addicting avalanche of picture stuff.
So, I'm in bed much much too late. It's quite disappointing. And then jumped on my Wii fit to weigh myself, not happy there I tell you. But I am going to be patient, I'm working on changes. And generally I am the type of person who doesn't fail at what I work on and sometimes flourishes at things I don't try. So tonight may be alow night, but I did get to enjoy the cable we pay for and don't really use... man do I love game shows. Tonight watched Cash Cab, Jeopardy, Family Feud, and Dog the Bounty Hunter. I seem lame, huh? Oh well. It felt good!
Today Bella was extra cute and colored a picture the somehow found tape and hung it on the wall. Oh and she typed the word dad in the addres bar. I've been trying to show her basic words. But with this technology, we are practincing on my phone.
I was proud to be on time today, especially because I opened.
I was disappointed in giving my supervisor a mean look when he nicely asked me to do something. It was a long, disrespectful glare rightin front of a customer! I felt bad immediately afterwards.
I smoked 8 cigarettes today.
Off to the hypnosis track.... good night.

Tonight...

I had a great day. We cleaned the shed and got out old scrapbooks. Bella hasd a doctor's appointment, she's all better. The day was evetful, but relaxing. Tonight, she learned to unlock my phone and said some real cute stuff, as always. She did such a great job with her prayers, pronouncing each word perfectly and eagerly following along and repeating. Then she asks if she can sing a song to herself.... he song of choice... "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry. This girl is something else. Oh and now she is makng up her fabulous song... I'm so lucky.

There's Change to Come

I am quite excited about my decision to change my life for the better. Currently, I am working on quitting smoking. There are ups and downs, but nonetheless, progress. But more recently, I am working on changing my eating patterns. I watched the "I Can Make You Thin" episodes on TV and enjoyed the feeling of being able to eat only a quarter of what I normally would. I felt comfortable and satisfied after eating. I couldn't finish the series because my dad erased them. I decided to buy the book and finished it in just one day. So this is day one! I feel great today and am even listening to the hynosis CD... yeah pretty wierd but definitely doesn't hurt to try. Today is going well so far. And this beautiful tumbler was a gift from my sister and I am enjoying drinking water and have so far not felt the need to drink soda. I am have nothing to lose but weight, so why not?

I hope for a great day tomorrow.

I lay here in bed, hoping to sleep well tonight and wake up early tomorrow. I hope that I can enjoy my morning coffee and hopefully jump on my wii fit. And get ready and have a great productive day tomorrow. Because on Friday I hope to sit and home and relax with Bella. Really just sit and relax. Hopefully go the park and maybe take a walk and run to the grocery store. We'll watch movies and scrapbook. I can't wait!

Bella moment: She somehow knows a couple of Britney Spears songs and likes dancing to them.
Regret: Being 7 mins late to work and being the one with keys.
Happy: I got to hang out with Court and Cait.
News: Erica is preggo! I'm so excited for her!
Remember: schedule Bella a dental appt

Happy New Years

This is how I spent my New Year. There we were in Kaiser waiting for them to admit Bella. It had been a long day of complete bullshit but eventually had the promise of a rather ejoyable New Years celebration with family. I started off the day tip top. I was on time for work and was feeling calm and not rushed. (It's amazing the way leaving on time makes all the lights turn green...vice versa). But I waslked in to find my work was robbed. We were not gonna get paid for our full hours that day and that we would have to work extra extra hard to catch up with the asset and productivity damage this caused. I went home to find my daughter weezing and coughing. A call to med-advice sent me to the pediatrician who thought she had bronchitis who sent me to the pharmacy. After taking the meds, the weezing as worse. We took her to ER where we happened to look at the clock at 11:59 and wish eachother a Happy New Year. Aside from the heartbreak of her being sick and watching her go through pain, i complain none about being by her side while she gets better.